Loving Myself !?!

Self Esteem...

why is it so hard to keep?

It seems like everyday its a struggle just to walk outside.

The looks, the whispers...why does this world have to be so cruel?

I know its my fault that i worry about what others think of me i have always been that way.

Well not always, for awhile there, there was nothing in the world that could stop me. I was sooo happy then.

I was surrounded by people that took advantage of me, but i was to blind to see that. I thought i was on top of the world, with all theses friends, and boyfriends, money, cars, clothes, even though i was fat i didnt care. Not saying that all my friends back then took advantage of me...i did have some awesome friends. They loved being around me i was the life of the party...the one everyone called. Life was never boring. Its true.when u have self-esteem and u carry yourself the way you should you are way more attractive. Well..my self esteem is SHIT right now ... I dont know why..yeah i know i am at my heaviest but that doesnt change the person i am. I am still Brandy....just with alittle more FLUFFY GOODNESS, to go around. I am able to travel the country with my husband, and yet i have days that i just dont want to leave the hotel room. why ? i have an amazing husband that LOVES me more than anyone ever has..why should i care about anyone else, all that should matter is my husband and myself. He has NEVER done anything to make me feel like i am not beautiful and worthy of his love. So why do i do this to him? Why do i not give all myself to him? Its like im holding back things that i dont like about myself. But he loves me not matter what. Im doing things now that i have always dreamed of. Ill never get to redo these moments i need to make things different...even though its hard..i can do this....i have to do this....i love my husband so much.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."